LOVE , BETRAYAL , LIAR , EMPTY PROMISES , BROKEN HEARTED , PAINFUL LIFE , RUNAWAY , GUYS , MY CRUSH , MY EX , MY LIFE , COLLEGE WORKS , FINAL PROJECT , TIME OF MYSELF , ALONE , HURT , FAIRY TALES , WHY , WHY , WHY , WHYYYY ???
These all keeps on playing in my head all over again like a broken record =='
Evrytime i felt a lil bit ease and atleast happy for a moment .. there will be something will grabbed it off from me !
There's nothin goin right in this house anymore ... i can't stand to stay here till i feels like wanna runaway from here and go as far as i can go and will never gonna return back here !
I hate how my mom treated me since i moved here ... She just never ever tried to appreciate ANYTHIN that i do no matter what ... She don't even say THANKS when i did the things that i did without my will . Well i think that's her problem , she can't say THNKS cos that words is too hard or sumthin i don't know...
Why me have to go thru all these ? This is DAMN HARD !!
I feel like i will not gonna be happy forever coz i've seen what happened to my family..It's made me terrified and scared to love anybody else...
They both makes me feels like i could not trust anyone including my ownself ... Im just scared i'll get hurt all over again ! i don't want it and i don't even need it cos i already have it with me ..
If anyone ever confess to me about their feelin again(depends on who's askin)... Im soooo sorry i have to say no if i not have the same feelin as the one who like me ..Im just so sorry i can't lie to myself and tell that i love him even the truth is im not ... Im not that kinda person who will pretend to love somebody that i don't actually in love with ... Cos i know how hurt it feels like when someone who we love actually pretending to love us ...
Love cannot be force it's like you controlling yourself to who you should fall for...
My mom always say im living my life like a ROBOT cos evrytime she yelled at me to do somethin(without askin it nicely) i'll do it right after that ... I feel like i wanna screams off her face and says : You're the one who makin me like this and now you wanna blame me for what you have been teachin me for all these years since i moved here and life with you ???! Im tired hearing you complainin whatever i did for my own life ! You never be there when i need someone and whenever im alone ! All you know is keep on yelling at me for no reason , call me a liar , compare me with other like im not perfect enough ...
You makin me feel like im just your burden ! If i am your burden then if one day im movin out , don't ever come and find me anymore you get that .. i don't care who you are anymore... You just hurting me alot !
And you never think what i felt cos you never even bother to know how's my day and evrything about me.. YOU JUST DON'T CARE !!! All you care about is MONEY and MONEY and how perfect you thought i should have been !! And now i think you just regret cos i never be what you expected me to be ... Well you raise me that way mom...
And now i wanna say thnks alot cos you have brought me into this world and let me to be a broken hearted gurl...I just wanna hate you if i could ! but i can't no matter what you still my mother ...
I just want you to understand me and i want you to be the one who wipe off my tears whenever i cries...
I just need to hear you say that 'Evrything's gonna be ok cos im here for you and i proud of you ' ...
I know it's just in my dreams i'll hear you sayin that to me...It's just impossible..
Even tho you're the one who brought me in this world but you never did raise me.. But you handed me to your parent(my grandparent)..They understand me better then you do mom....You just will never know me ! Even in the eyes of other you are my mother but the truth is you are not to me... My mother will never called me a liar ! my mother will never shouted at me to do whtever she want me to do ! and my mother will never do me like the way you do me !!! You just will never be my MOTHER ...
No comments:
Post a Comment