If You Dare Enough To Be With Me ...

I have to tell ya somethin ... Since my dad gone , i've lost apart of me . Im not who i am anymore plus i don't even know who am i !? i've been abused brutally in my whole life .. i've been lied , i've been fooled , i've been played , taken for granted , has been left out , much more then you could ever imagine ...

My dad used to said that songs and life is connected , you can feel some1 else feelings by jst listening to their fav song ... he also said that i'll feel evrythin so deply after this .. so now , i understand wht he mean by that ...

He left me and let me feels all this pain alone ... Since then i learnt evrythin by my ownself .. One thing for sure is im scared .. scared to fall in love .. im scared if wht had happened to me happen again .. i jst don't exactly know how to love anybody else cos since i was a kid i've been showed hatred , grudge , madness .. i learn the word LOVE by myself .. no one ever show me wht its all about ... Just so you know , i've been hurt so badly and i don't know how long i can stand this .. cos i know im not that strong ... I feel like there's no one who's gonna wipe off my tears like my dad did ..If.. If there's some1 who willing to take chances by bein with me .. help me to find myself back .. im jst scared ...

EVRYTHIN I WANNA SAY IS IN THIS SONG ...

By This Time ...

Im feelin kinda LOST today .. I don't know something like makes me wanna KILL some1 ..
I feel so mad ... evrything went wrong =.=' IHATEITWHENITHAPPEN ... It sucks !
Owhhh some1 pleaseeeeeee help meyh ... ! i need to get this thing out of my head right away ... Well , i supposed to do a presentation for film buss today but .... Abd zali didn't come to college .. plus all the slides with him =.= !
Wht the heck the 3 of us wanna present about ?? without the slides ?! FUCK !!
See wht i mean ?? All i wanna say is FUCKKKKKKK OFFFFFFF !!!!!

Heyyy Hoooo.....

Okey last wednesday (jul 20th) until today saturday(jul23rd) i've been sleepin at his place (boys hostel) ..
he's bein so lovely ... he played/sing me songs wth his guitar ... That's is the guy that i've been wanted ...
eventhough he's gila2 but he's sweet ... i can't explain thru words bout this feelin .. It's jst such a true feelings .. arghhh im soooooo like in LOVE rite now .. i know .. Blame it on him .. LOL
He shows me wht life is all about ... We both kinda shared some same stuff tht happened in our life ... so basically we both know wht exactly it feels like to be US ... His house is at lvl 7 .. it's height of course but it's has these beautiful view from his balcony .. So we all kinda like sit at the corner of the window then sang outloud in the middle of 3-5am in the mornin ..LOL it was fun .. It was all beautiful .. he told me a lot bout how his life before .. he explain wht kinda person he is to me ... Believe it or not he's a rockers .. Rock and Roll type of person .. that's awesome :) 




 This is some of the songs that he played for me ...

sMiLe =)

You know that I'm a crazy bitch,
I do what I want when I feel like it,
All I wanna do is loose control,
But you don't really give a shit,
You go with go with go with it,
Cause you're fucking crazy rock-n-roll

You said hey,
What's your name,
It took one look,
And now I'm not the same,
Yeah you said hey,
And since that day,
You stole my heart and you're the one to blame,
Yeah.

And that's why... I smile,
It's been a while,
Since everyday and everything has felt this right...
And now,
You turn it all around,
And suddenly you're all I need, 
The reason why-I-I-I,
I smi-I-ile.

Last night I blacked out I think,
What did you what did you put in my drink?
I remember making out and then,
I woke up with a new tattoo,
Your name was on me and my name was on you,
I would do it all over again.

You said hey,
What's your name,
It took one look,
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/avril-lavigne-lyrics/smile-lyrics.html ]
And now i'm not the same,
You said hey,
And since that day,
You stole my heart and you're the one to blame,
Yeah.

And that's why... I smile,
It's been a while,
Since everyday and everything has felt this right...
And now,
You turn it all around,
And suddenly you're all I need,
The reason why-I-I-I,
I smi-I-ile.

You know that I'm a crazy bitch,
I do what I want , when I feel like it 
All I wanna do is loose control,
You know that I'm a crazy bitch,
I do what I want , when I feel like it 
All I wanna do is loose control-o-ol.

And that's why... I smile,
It's been a while,
Since everyday and everything has felt this right...
And now,
You turn it all around,
And suddenly you're all I need,
The reason why-I-I-I,
I smi-I-ile,
The reason,
The reason why-I-I-I,
I smi-I-ile,
The reason why-I-I-I,
I smi-I-ile.

haihhhhhh.... -.-'

He called me twice today ... Cos i have ZERO credit on my cell ... He called jst to make sure that im OK or not ... Soo sweet .. Okey2 you might think that im sooooo falling in LOVE with one guy ... IS that so ??
Yea you got it rite ... It's just the beginning . I don't know what's gonna happen in the future so we both takin it slow ... I don't want to be so fuckin proud to tell ya that im probably in relationship cos w both didn't like goin out OFFICIALLY ... I wanna know him inside out 1st before hittin on the next level .. I don't wanna get hurt anymore Duhhh ~ 
I know i used to tell ya that im sick of relationship but now .. He came in .. Lights me out when i was in the dark .. Honestly in grateful nuf ... I just love the way he speak his minds out ..  LOVELY .. that's the word for him .. I don't care how he dress up cos i love all about this one guy ... He jst bein himself .. Hahhhhhhhh
I don't know what else to say ... All i can do is SMILE :) all the time ...

Waaaaa...

Eventhough last friday i met him and spent a lil bit time with him after class , i felt like it has been a month i didn't meet him =='
lol.....
i know it's sounds lame for you but that's jst it .. Hey this is my blog so i have evry right to write evrthin ! ..
He called me jst now at 11.55.58pm :)
Cos i have 0 credit to msg him .. He said that he jst wanna listen to mah voice .. awwweeee...
Im meltin ... meltin a lil bit evryday ...........
Can't wait to see him again ^^
Owh pleaseeee i wanna see him all over again ... Never feel bored when he's around cos he's so fuckin hilarious
 .. He know how to make me laugh .. We shared the same sorta life ..facing the same problems ..He likes wht i like .. What a coincident .. My favorite is his favorite too .. Waaaahhh !
ahahahaha !!!!
He's soooooooooooooooooo amaizing guy ... He earneed his own money .. He's Independence kinda guy ..
that's why i like this kinda guy ... he says whts on his mind .. Eventhough he' one year younger than meyh but that's okeyhh for meyh ... As long as he know how to be a man ! .. 
OMG ... i got butterflies i my stomach -.-'
i can't help it .. im jst automatically SMILE ... Most of the time !!!
LOLS
yeahh seriously .. no kidding ..  

Helllllloooooooooo....

Okey2 i know it's been like ages i didn't update this site ... sorry cos imma lil bit busy with college stuff .
Kinda lotsa things happen to me lately ... like i've met someone who's i feel like flyin .. It's kinda like he's too good to be true .. ya know .. eventhough we holdin hands , kissin , hangout 2gether like a couple but me and him decided to take it slow .. we'd prefer slow down and go with the flow without rushin .. eventhough he looks EMO(thts my fav) but he's actually is sweet ... very2 sweet .. he didn't control to be macho in front of meyh ..
he's jst laid back kinda guy .. He's sweet nuf to melt my stone heart ...<3 <3 <3 he made my heart pounds !!! miss u bby !
even though he's a simple guy but i wonder how easy he made me smile evrytime .. He's such a sweet kinda guy .. i love the way he carry himself .. The way he dress up , the way he smile ,  the way he looked at me , the way he holds my hand , the way he hugged me , the way he kissed me , the way he texted me almst evryday ^^
I jst fall for the way he is .. And when i said tht he's bein so sweet he'll said tht 'Im jst bein me' .. Simple word as tht ... So we both prefer to slow down and enjoy evry moment that we both spent time together ... It's the best way for both of us to know each other more .. When he's around meyh , im breathless ... I can't describe  exactly how i feel when he's around .. Can't find the word to describe it ...he's jst like evrythin good in my life .. the way he talk , i fall deeper evrytime .. I feel like .. like ..... i don't know whts the word .. =.='
It's jst all of the sudden .. im not even prepare for this .. IT'S JUST HAPPEN ..
Don't woory kayy i'll take precautions this time ... Since we both agreed to take it slow ... <3