May 2012

There's a lot happened to me in this fuckin month ... I almost get raped at PM hostel ~_~ 
It's all because of the one person that LOVE to cari pasal with me .. I don't know what's up with her 0.o


But the point here is he's change a lot ... well he told me that the girl that he falls in love already in relationship so it makes me thinkin if im only his Second Choice or just his Backup Plan ??
When that girl kinda layan him , he ignored me GILA2 ... He doesn't even care what i feels at that time ... I still remember everything .. the way he treated me , the way he talked to me .. it all seems IGNORING me ...
i can felt that ... Now when she's in relationship , he turns back to be diffierent ! He started bein the one that takes care of me , worried about me , call me up , texted me up , kiss me , cubit my pipi , kiss my cheeks infornt of everybody ... What is goin on ???!


He said that he doesn't want any relationship for now ... He said that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore like what he had done before ... Okay i get it ... He said if we're  meant to be together we will be one day ...
For now we're both still that close , together but no relationship .. I don't know what are we ... It's not like Friends with Benefit cos we're not friends ! i can see him as a friends cos i love him .. and he same as me either .. so honestly i don't know what kinda relationship that we're IN right now ... I don't know what to expect from this kinda situation ... 


I really-really don't wanna lose him ... i can't be without him ... 
Baby , please don't .. please don't leave me will ya ? 
Cos you're my heartbeat .. and my heart would stop without ya ... i can't bare to lose you ..
Even how many times i've tried to leave you , NONE of them works !!
So i'll stay here waiting for you ... cos im sure that you're the one for me ...

Ermmm ....

I've taken off his necklace ....
Cos he taken off our charm bracelet that i never like opne it since the day i bought it at Genting Highland ...
But lately he's treated me kinda a bit different .. Last time i checked he like never kiss me on my cheeks like he did today infornt of his frend KOI ...
He lately suka cubit my cheeks =__= like last time ...
huhuu what had happen to him actually ... ???!
but eventhough i didnt wear his necklace i hope that ONE DAY he'll PUT IT BACK ... on my neck ...
I really2 LOVE HIM ... HUrmm ..

There comes a time when u have to choose between turning the page or just closing the book

That's the cue for me ... 
I can't hold someone that love someone else .. he just consider me as his Best Friends ... I thought that imma be okay with that but ... i guess im not OKAY ... i can't bare to hear all his heart pouring about how he feels towards her ... It HURTS like hell to hear all that stuff -.-'
Does he knows how painfull is that ?? haihhh~
He doesn't even care what i feel so why should i care about what he feels right ???!
This is sooo CRUEL !
Hurmmm ....
I don't know why i still wanna hold on to this kinda boy -.- seriously i feel STUPID ...
He doesn't love me at all ! He already stop tryin to love me and now im not more than his FRIENDS ... That's sad to know and harder to accept that fact =_='
WHY IS HAVE TO BE THIS HURT ???!
I HATE THIS FEELINGS !!!

A Letter from ME to YOU my Heartbeat

Dear sweety ...
First of all i wanna say that i am sorry for my lack of self pity in me lately it's because i keep on thinkin how do i gonna live without ya in my heart ... I MISS YOU ... I MISS US ... i miss everythin about us ... about YOU ... the way you callin me ... the way you treated me ... the way we laugh in the middle of the night talkin craps together ... Sometimes we talked about our future life bein together ... MOSTLY i miss the way you spoiled me !!! The way you smiling at me in the moornin when we woke up ... the way you tease my hair ... the way you kiss me ... How can i left this all thing behind ??? Can you ??? Am i stupid for kept on tryin and not losing hope on US ? Even if i have to holds on alone for our love .. i don't mind it ... cos you're the only matters in me ... I guess you don't know how much you meant to me do ya ....
Well sookay you'll realize it one day i hope ... I will pray that one day you'll runnin back to me :)
I wanna you to know that I LOVE YOU ... I know that you're the ONE ... even if im not you're ONE ... but i wanna be your LAST ...

"And when life has passed me by and it's taken back it's time.. all i know is you're The One ... And as long as my heart beats till you come back to me .. i'll be holding on our love"

This song i dedicated just for you ... Haihhh~ it'll be much better if you can understand this song and even listen to it =_='

All I Can Do Is Pray ...

Forcing someone else feelings is WRONG ...
I can do NOTHIN bout it ... But still im hoping for it to happen =')
I know it sounds crazy to you but not to me .. Somewhere somehow i believe there's a MIRACLE ...
I don't know what is goin with me ... I just don't wanna let this thing go eventhough i know that he's in love with another girl ... Im afraid if he ever come back i will not gonna feel the same towards him .. i don't want that !
I wanna be with him ... we can't be apart ! cos apart of me is YOU .. and somewhere inside you is ME i don't know maybe ... I know that 99% of him not feels the same about me anymore but another 1% is keeps me HOLDIN ON ... I never gonna let go do you hear me ??! no matter what you're tellin me about her how she makes you feels , how beautiful she is but she never gonna be ME ... and you and i both know that she can never loves you like i do ... im not mad at you ... it's all have been my fault for puttin my hope too high and i loved you more than you loved me so yeahh it's all is MY FAULT ... not you ...
Im the one who's bein too much here ... i should've known that you're not ready to get attached .... and i gave away too much to you than what you should get ... so yeahh IT'S MY FAULT ..
Im soo STUPID i know that ... 


haihhh .......


But one thing that im afraid of is Do i barely strong enuf to see if you're bein with her someday ??? Can i let go of you ?? I don't know what i do ! ='( im afraid ....

 ahahahhahah...my sista n me...we share blog together...



          sexy FaCe....ahhahahahhh....

 she is lovely sista...





         naK maKan maGgie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL

   mke serius xleh bla!!!!!!!!!!!haspoi....ahahahhaha....

          nicE fingER huh!ahahhah...its a f*** timE!!!!

Mke                    
          comeL
                   Me
                        anD
                             my
                                 sweeT siSta.......





                                                       

ahahahahhah...its all our sweet memory......

its about me aNd you

                                                           
    Mle2 member ajak lepak...then i follow...mmmm..kat c 2...i saw 1guy yg ske buat lawak gle2...mmmm...kte g karoke pla...u asyik bahan i nyanyi,...mmm...so i pun dah naek nakal..huhuhu...mse tuu...i xtw name u siape..ahahah...i happy hang out ngan u..then kte g titiwangsa...and sangat2 funny ble u nak ehemmm.tapi  toilet b"kunci...ahhahahh...cian u mse tuuu...the story is begin already when u try to talk with me....u cter tntng ex u...so i pn cter tntng ex i...n malang nyer ex i towh...member u...ahahahhaha...funny....

 mse kte kua...u tak mntak number i....i pn xde number u...dah brape hari brlalu...i dont see u anymore...sad...mmm..pd satu hari..ahahha...i trn g sar...n i nmpak u...happy gler...hhuhu...then u gve me ur number...kte pn start texing...cuti sem dah start...i pla tertinggal flight...huuu...i lpak kat umah u...and d sne ar i knal kakak i yg i syg sngt2...ahahahha...EMMA...mse i kat umah u...u lyn i baek sngt...u tlng buat air...u tlng i masak maggie...ahahah...and u yg kemas everythng...huhuhu..then we take our pic together...i tak taw knape i rase happy...feel like im falling in love with u...u pun ajak i kapel...i dah rase omg....tak tw nak ckp pe....cos i pk tentang u n ex i...u kawan ngan dye....

hummm...tpi ntah..i trme u...my mum calling...dye dah beli tiket baru balik sabah...i pun balik...then u pun balik seremban...u sweet sngt...u snggup tman i 4 two weeks...n jd udang...the bad story is begining...when i at sabah...u asyik tnye tntng ex i...u..u nak tw tak that time im really going down...u ask me..u tanak ex i tarik mke ngan u..kte break ta smpai brape jam pun..then emma kol me...she tell me u engage ngan ex u...i pn ta tw nak wat pe..im crying again....im coming back to kl...n meet u again...i still anggap u as my bf..i still lpak ngan u...and hug u..i tahu u dah return ngan  gf u..tpi i mash dengan u...tpi...u xhargai pon...so i rase better i let u go je lah...u bkan untuk i...segala knangan i dgn u..i xpnah lpe kan..n now...i jd member u je...i hargai ape pn relation kte skrg...even i ta dpt be with u..i jd member u pn...dah ok...u tak fahm..u tak rase..i ketawe...im trying to hide my sadness...n now...im afraid to falling in love...i tak nak i terluke lg...i hope u happy with u gf...and...as u know...i still love u......and i jd a lonely girl back...maybe this is the gud way 4 me......

PATIENCE is key here ...

I don't even know what im thinkin right now ... I don't even know what's on my head =____=
All i know is I LOVE HIM so much ... I would do anythin for him ... I believe that he's THE ONE ...
I never felt this way before ... He's ... he's special ... he's beautiful .. he is AMAZING !
Even there's a lot of people asked me to move on .. I CAN'T ! And i don't want to =') 
He's my SOUL , my HEART , my LIFE .. he's EVERYTHING of me ...

                                                   I LOVE YOU FOREVER my love =')

Jangan Izinkan Aku Jatuh Cinta Andai Masanya Belum Tiba...

Tittle blog mmg best ^_^
well technically i really don't want this to end up this way ... I LOVE him so much .. more than he could ever know ... But he got strong reason to do so ... he wanna concentrate on his studies , his family and his friends ...
He got the rite point there .. He used to said that 'if ada jodoh xkn kmane kite ni syg' ...
He still love me ... but i don't know why i feel hurt ... it is hurt a lot ...


What more can i say ... i'll jst have to wait for a MIRACLE to happen ... I can't lose him ... He's everythin to me .. he's my life , my soul , my hearbeat , even when he told me that he'll never ever gonna leave me i do still feel hurt cos i know it's not gonna be the same ! I will feel awkward with him ... 
Ya Allah , I LOVE HIM so much ... 
Let him know this ... He's everythin to me ='(
And i can't bare to lose him .. I'd rather die if that happens ...

Holiday 21th Jan 2012 .. Cherating Beach

Okay ... We went to Cherating to have an amazing holiday at the beach plus my someone is staying there either .. Who else went with me .. hurm let see .. Ady , acap , and their cousin and my someone ... So tht means im the only gurl ^_^
But yeahh it was awesome .. the four of us share the same chalet .. chalet awned by MARIO .. my someone's school mate .. He's cute >< and his mixed malay and poland .. muka dia mcm Zain Saidin .. SERIOUSLY !!
Well ... yeah we had a BBQ party at my someone's parent house cos his momma wanna have it XD for the 1st time ... IT WAS FUN !! Thnks auntie and uncle ... i'll miss you guys ..
Then i woke up wayyyyy to early in the mornin i think i woke up around 6 am sumthin ...just to watch sun rise at the beach near our chalet ... 
here's the photos ...

owhh2 me and h8im wokeup together and we take a strolls down at the beach to wait for this sun riseee happen ... and this is another photos of us .. our hands actually -..-

Well ... yeahh thts about it ... im happy .. for now ... 

My New Year started with ....

Well let see ...
Hurm okay technically on Jan 2nd we both decided to breakup for temporary cos he's not ready for any relationship ... well since i have no right to force him cos im jst nobody -.-'
then now i feels like my world has come crushin down all over again .. GREAT !
I feel crumbled up inside ='(
DO U KNOW HOW HURT IT IS ???? FUCK !!
I hate the idea of fallin in LOVE again .. well thts what im facin now ... Bein left out ALL OVER AGAIN =..='
Nice feelings isn't it ?? yeahh figures ...

I'm the type of girl who can be so hurt but still look at you & smile and is willing to brighten your day even if I can't brighten my own

It's true tho 'We're goin to be happy and we're goin to fall , we need to know that life isn't perfect and that is what makes it best of all ..im pretty but not beautiful , im good but not an angel , i do sin but inm not the devil .. im jst a small girl in this world tryin to find someone to LOVE ... it is sad when it has to be this way but i trust him .. i know he could be the one for me ... litterally im jst his somebdy ... not his gurl but somebdy .. i don't know what concept is that but yeah thats about it ... we talked yesterday .. he said he's not ready .. i get it .. i know how he feels like ... so im givin him chance to be ready .. i'll jst have to wait ...but the problem here is ..i don't know if he want me to wait or not ... but i'll jst wait ... my heart tellin me to ...