ThE eNd Of 2010...

This year of 2010 leave me with lotsa memories...
pain,happy,sad,beautiful, betrayal and lots more that i couldnt say it here....coz its too much..
15 minutes more it will be over.




Its true tho people said that time passing by too fast and it is too fast..and nothing can slow it down..
it can only be frozen by the photos..
I dun have even a photo of my dad..
he's always in my mind forever...


i'll be missing this year alot...
coz from this year i can remember how it is feels like to be lied by your own BFF...its hurts alot trust me..
From this year also i've learnt how to be aware of the people u're dealing with..
i'll not the same EMMA that u used to know anymore...i'll change...everybody will change..


So yeahh..GOOD BYE 2010 and HELLO 2011...haiiyyyaaakkk... 

Letter For YOU my dear...

Hmm...

i dunno how start this..

but i wanted u to know that 

I LOVE YOU

so much ok

hmm..

bie...thnks for making me happy again...eventhought there's alot of things tht happen to me lately..

but u still there to guide me..

i appreciated it..

what else eyhh?Honestly i never thought that both of us can be together ya know..

its all surprisingly happen

i never expected this at all.

Bie..

we can never see the future allrite..

so..i hope that we'll be fine always..

and

if either one of us have problems

just share it ok..

this relationship is all about sharing

willing to share everything that u feels..

its not like u have to share everything like 

you have to share all of your clothes to me

or your underwear..

NO..

its not like that

i hope that u understand of what im trying to say here..

i didn't ask u to be a perfect BF ever..no..

i just ask u to understand me better..

im wiling to take this chances of bein hurt again ya know..

i can't go thru that phase again..

and now..

i let myself to feel it again by loving u..

Im still scared bie..

im scared to love someone so much..

coz i know i might lose them..

i dont want it

i dont need it bie..

i've learnt alot of things in my life.

i saw what happened to my family

its not cool

because of them both im scared to love anyone else

i dont want what had happened to them happens to me

im scared bie..

seriously

right now i braving myself to accepted u

means tht i let myself to be hurt again

so bie

if u wanna be with me

u have to accepted me as i am

i cant change myself for anyone else

if u think that u're not ready for all this

u can say it now

its not too late yet

butif u really wanna be with me

please 

please bie

LOVE me

dun ever2 hurt me

coz i dun wanna change my heart

into

STONE

From ur syg: EMMA LAURA STEVENS

WhY hAvE tO eNd Up ThIs WaY??

I thought we can get back like what we used to be before....but i guess i was totally wrong...way to WRONG...
I shouldn't trusted you! that's my fault and i admit it...Believing you is my BIGGEST mistake ALY!!..I HATE YOU now and FOREVER...


Yeahh maybe im too naive till i've been in your trapped..but now i've learnt..no next time for you...I'll never believe anything from you anymore..no matter what!!


You makes me HATE so don't blame me for it...coz you deserved it!!


You said that you wanna meet me up at MIDVALLEY today..i told you that i might arrives a lil late...but when i arrived,you're not there...plus when i called you soo many times..and texted too...not even once you replied it!! big F for you bebb...


CONGRATULATION cos you been able to fooled me this time...Great Job!!!


I'll throw you OUT of my life now...
Good Bye ALY......
GET LOST!

I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!

WhO aM i??

I dunno WHY i CRIED a lot....Sometimes i don't even know the reason of me weeping in the middle of the night ... its just so DAMN tiring ya  know...CRYING jew...mcm x bleh nk STOP lakk...


Sometimes when the times where i can't take it like i've been chocked up ... i do whatever i felt inside to my body....like i used to cut off my wrist ....because i broke up with my ex for the 2nd time =='
i know what i did sounds stupid for you but thats what i do...to make me feel alive again...
And the latest one is i took one bottle of sleeping pills...yup i took it all....=)
Luckily i managed to get to the hospital...hee


There's time when you feels like everything that happen is too much until it make you feels like you've been chocked up!! that's what i felt b4 i did this stupid action...


There's a time where u wish you were dead....i used to wish that too...but still here i am standing and breathing normally...i don't even know how can i stay in this condition for so long...
They said because im strong but why i didn't feel like one?? i feel terribly weak! and always find the easy way out..that's me...i am stupid because my mom always said that to me....i am nuts because that's what my fwens always said to me...i am the WORST PERSON ever...i don't even know ME...Who am I??

Im All AloNe ThIs YeAr...

HoHoHo....

                                        



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                        MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!!!

Nie SiS i...ehehhe

This is Vivie..She's my very2 close fwen..eheheh dia tggl sebelah rumah jew pown...kiteorg slalu lepak mlm2...sharing our problems if we had one...then having sleepover sumtimes...i miss her much...now we both busy dgn college soo dok sblh2 tp jarang dpt lepak dh...

Dia nie SWEET , baek , and kdg2 gilew mcm i...hee...
Slalu jln2 kt MID csri calon BF mat salleh...hee...tgk byk jgk mat salleh kt situ...best gilew time tuhh..dh boring .. gi tgk movie lakk..ahahaha

Laen kali kite kuar lg k sis..ehehhe

LiFe Is LiKe ThIs.....

                                                                      


                                                        That is how it is...

=(

                                                                   I MISS YOU




Missing who???? i have no idea..i feel like i miss everyone that i know and everyone who is very close to me like Athirah Rosmi , My Boyfriend , My Daddy , My Berry(kitten)dead...etc....
Even the one who used to be close to me...(crying)..
Why life get tougher than i thought it could be...huhhhh...(wipped tears)
I feels like i've been left out sometimes...Is it me or the other people who didn't understand when you're not in the mood then you need to be alone but they said that you're being a jerk by sitting alone in the corner....Why they all so typical and shallow minded??? why???
i feel sick of that....Plus..if they wanna give me some advice .. they should just inbox me in FB or else just see me face to face and tell it...Why have to make a status about MY BOY???


I think im out of topic didn't i...(LOL) who cares..this is ma blog and i can write whatever i want...blueeekkk~

Hilary Duff - Burned

NoThInG~

I don't know what is WRONG with me....IN n OUT...
Im confused!! Arggghhhh!!...What is happening with me huhhh?? Everytime i saw him on9 on FACEBOOK..my heart is pumpin up fast...It's like an ADRENALINE rushing inside of me....Im not so sure of what im doing now...Im scared ==





What is THIS feeling means?????? please Dear GOD up above give me a sign if what im doin now is RIGHT or WRONG coz i don't want to HURT anybody that being too nice to me..I can't doing that to them...If that happen again i'll never can forgive myself...I know people make mistakes..even the person that we love...but....i can't do the things that im not sure if its gonna be GOOD or BAD for me...i need to be carefull of what im doin now..coz i don't wanna be HURT anymore...it's just too much..i feel suffocated at this point of life where i feels like i wanna runaway from everything for a minute....BEACH...that's in my head for all the time..i need to go there..i need a PEACE of mind a bit...

                      

                                                          THIS IS WHAT I NEED NOW

For mY DRUG

                                            



                                                            THEN IT TURNS TO THIS

Is this what LOVE is all about?? its like a cycle to me..i think so...hey i dunno what's LOVE is okey so don't blame me...Blame my parent who's not teaching me whats LOVE is all about....

What i've learnt before LOVE is like u like someone then u'll try to be the best for them and try to make them happy as possible when they with u....

Love...what more can i say...It can bring joy but don't ever forget that it cause u the pain too...and the pain is HURT the most...like your HEART have been RIPPED into two...its DAMN hurts..trust me coz i've been there and i've done it ==


I know that i can't hide myself from being in LOVE again....Coz LOVE will chasing u no matter where u are..even if u trying to run....no used it will come eventually....


I believe that LOVE can teach us how to be patience , strong , and growing up....it's part of life that u can't deny...


LOVE is full of MISTERY that we all can't describe by WORDS...it's full of EMOTION that we gotta feel it by our ownself to UNDERSTAND the meaning of it....


And after we've been hurt...the heart won't stay the same anymore...its gonna be broken forever..even after u tried so hard to fixed it it still leave u the marks/scars...and its gonna take u FOREVER to remove all the scars...

If u askin me if i've ever been hurt before...the answer is YES...a lot of time..nooo..i think i've been hurt since i was born!! i have no choice accept to SWALLOW it all down to my throat...i didn't ask for it to happen to me...i just had no other option accept to faced it....And yeahh i have to admit that it helps me to become STRONGER , more AWARE and GROW UP...let see..hurmm...i didn't stay together with my dad since i was a kid..so i don't really know how is it feels like to have a DAD around...


I've been forced to grow up faster then my actual age that time....i forced myself to be INDEPENDENT and try to STAND ON MY OWN FEET...i do get jealous when i went up to school by my own when im in standard 3 and saw other kids has been sent to school by their PARENT...It's broke my heart...I don't really know what is FAMILY either....coz i feels like im living with strangers in here...eventho there is my mom and my bro...I don't know....i feel like im all ALONE...


And because of that im TERRIFIED TO love SOMEBODY else....coz i know i might gonna lose them ...
My HEART says "Pleaseeee turn me to BLACK,i can't stand the pain anymore..i broke to many times,and im not strong so pleaseeee...."

This is my EX BFF...:'(

Well her name is ALYA HADI....She is to be my EX BFF or more to EX TWIN SISTERS...


I've known her since we both in Form 4 i think ...and  i started to talked to her in the agama class...we laugh like a maniac till the ustazah scolded us for bein too noisy.. ahahah!!!


 i still remember everything Ally...I cried evrytime i remember the time we did the stupid things at school , we BLUUEEKKING(vomitting sound) at the escalator in The Garden Midvalley...We played the SATELITE RADIO/COMMUNICATION SATELITE using folded notebook in the class ^^...


I still cried over every thing!! Do u noticed it?
Do u ever remember me Ally? Do u miss me like i do?? How's ur life now? I wonder why we have to fight over that JERK u know who...
i miss every minutes that i have spent with you...


I wish that we both can talk again and just forget that past..i really2 miss u sis!!...i'll never gonna blame u for hating me coz you have all the right to be mad at me...


But one thing for sure that i wanted u to know that i'll LOVE u sis...eventhou maybe u already moved on happily without me....


I'll never forget u..


i PROMISE that....
XOXO

I started to like this dude when i saw this pic!!

                                                                  He's a SKATERS!!!!

This is my CRUSH yg x sempat..=='

 hemsem kn???
i knew it!! but he's mcm budak2 sket perangai dia....ahahahah mcm siall sket dia nie...tp dia CUTE!!
I loykee!!....dia still contact me in FB....ehehhe.....
1st time i saw this guy when im havin dinner at MAMAK STALL at raja laut...he's wearing this bright blue and red skaters clothes...with short baggy pants...he CAUGHT my ATTENTION....then we hangout at college basement....He sat beside me and being shy...ELEHHH~
ahahaha!!!....then after a few days he added me up on FB..n asked for my number....so i gave him....^^
but now he's with other gurl....cisss...i miss my chances!!! AGAIN!!.....Owhhh my....
by the way i can't mention his name in here..too DANGEROUS!!! 

Arggggggggghhhhh!!!

I feel : ....

          I can't describe it in here...

          Shit!! Why do i need to feel this??
     Why i feel this Guilty?guilty over wht??
     i didn't get this part...coz i dun even understand myself either...WHATS WRONG WITH ME HUH????!I miss my dad...he's not here...he's far away...did he miss me? did i ever cross on his head?
did he love me still?
did he even remember my face?how is he doin by now? is he fine? how's his life goin?? argghhh i miss u dad!! why u have to leave me here? why dun u take me along with u? i still need u dad!!


             

My SyGGG!!!

                                                                    I LOVE YOU 





                                                                

Mine – Taylor Swift « Song & Lyrics

Mine – Taylor Swift « Song & Lyrics

Am I Too Naive???

I can see that a lot of people takin advantages on me....WHY????
I just being NICE to everybody.......I have this gurlfwen name D...She's older than me...She's 24 i think...
She just like USING me....i dunno how to explain it to u guys..=='
I tot she appreciated me...i mean after what i've sacrifices for her....But other people can see that even they told me not to be close with her anymore..i was surprised!!.
well i guess its my fault too..i easily put my trust to her....that's why she can FOOL me...But now i know who the real her and I'll not gonna FALL for her lil GAME anymore...Im sorry SISTA...im not the same kid anymore!!..
she got this family problems ..okey!! i get it..its not like the end of the world....i faced it too...but im still alive and smile and laugh like a maniac......i faced tougher then her!!
but here i am....still NORMAL...but what she did to her fwens is WRONG!!!!
She used us all for MONEY,SHOPPING,MOVIES even FOOD...=='
OMG....I've never know this type of person still EXIST in this era...haissss....mcm2...
Dh tue pown wat perangai mcm tuhhh....MALU LA WEIII....=='